Renaissance Trophy Wife

Like a lot of other young women, I’m planning to have kids.  What’s probably different is that my future kids have been factored into my career and life decisions since I was a teenager.

No, I wasn’t a young mom… and I probably won’t actually have a child until I’m almost 30, several years from now.  But at a relatively early age, I realized that I wanted to stay home with my children.  My career, while interesting and fun (sometimes) does not define me.  It’s just what I do for a living.  Raising a family, however, begs the hard questions– define who I am, what I stand for, and what truths I want to pass on to future generations. People plan for careers and retirement, so I figured, why not get a jump-start by planning for a family?

Image by kton25

Here’s the general outline of my planning process:

Figure out who I am and what I want

Yeah, the “who I am” part is still in progress, but I’m enjoying the discovery process.  I know what I want, at least now, though.  I value stability, autonomy, and my relationships.  Stability can be different things to people, but to me, it’s making enough to take care of my parents (if needed), and provide a good living for my family, while not sacrificing the time I spend with them.

Think about the environment I want for my kids

One of my top priorities is raising my children in a loving, open-minded household, with strong male and female role models.  I also want them to have a good relationship with their grandparents.

With that in mind, I think the first few years are really the most important in a child’s life, and I would like to be home as much as possible during that time.  Some of my favorite memories are of catching tadpoles in a creek with my mom, learning how to ride a bike with my dad, and digging in the garden with my grandmother. I feel like I’d be doing my children a disservice if I didn’t at least try to provide them with a similar environment to grow up in.

Figure out how I’m going to achieve those goals

It’s all well and good to say that I want to stay home with my kids, but that’s not actually going to benefit them unless it’s financially feasible.  To that end, I did choose a fast-paced job with 60-80 hr weeks, but a lot of earning potential.  In my spare time, I’m leveraging my contacts to figure out how to work from home in a few years, and continue contributing to the household finances.

I think it seems to others that I’m very ambitious for my career’s sake, but what they don’t understand is that I’m motivated to increase my earnings and build up a nest egg *before* I leave the corporate world for more important things.  If I accomplish certain goals earlier, its just one less thing to concentrate on in the future.

Med school was something I chose to do earlier rather than later, in expectation of having a family.  Although I’ve left medicine, my experiences will definitely help alleviate some of my worry when my children get sick.  I’m sure I’ll get concerned, and research everything on the internet, and call up all my friends.  But my piece of my advice for myself in the future?

Just remember this:  you are a parent, and you know your kid best.  If you think there’s something seriously wrong, or your child has gotten much sicker in a short timeframe, make sure the doctor understands that.  I wouldn’t bring my child to the ER and expose them to all the antibiotic-resistant bugs there unless I was supremely concerned.  Use your judgment and make sure you get good explanations for why your child is treated a certain way.  Then get them the hell away from the other sick people so they don’t catch something worse.

When you feel ready, go ahead and make babies!

If you do it right, kids are the most time-consuming commitment you’ll ever have.  There’s no way to completely prepare for it, except maybe by working in the pediatric ICU. Look, even the best-laid plans go awry…  so expect the unexpected and all the associated obstacles in your path.  Plan to be flexible, go with the flow, and just enjoy!  Practice a lot in the meantime.

Is anyone else planning for kids?  If you have children, what advice would you give to those who don’t?