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Dating & relationships

Women: Nobel Prize and longer life included!

Posted by RenaissanceTrophyWife on October 12, 2009

Today, Elinor Ostrom became the first woman to win a Nobel Prize in economics.

Ostrom said it was an honor to be the first woman to win a Nobel Prize in economics — and promised that she won’t be the last. She said people discouraged her from seeking a Ph.D. when she applied for graduate school but she loved studying economics.

Cheers to that!  And speaking of educated women, a Swedish study found that men with educated wives had a lower risk of dying. Talk about a modern-day dowry.  Women can bring home the bacon, AND help their partners live longer?  Sure beats the old herd of sheep or pair of cows.

From Reuters (via Jezebel):

Bachelors take note: If you want to enjoy a long life, marry a highly educated woman. In a study (in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health), researchers found that a woman’s education was a stronger factor in her husband’s risk of dying over the next decade or so than the man’s own level of education…men living with a woman without any high school education were 1.25 times more likely to die than men living with a college graduate.

Ladies, feel free to tell your significant other “you’re welcome.”  And don’t forget to thank yourself, while you’re at it. 

Posted in Apple a Day, Venus & Mars | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The End: Getting to “Rich” (Part I)

Posted by RenaissanceTrophyWife on May 25, 2009

This post is part of a miniseries on my quarterlife (re)invention process.  I left off discussing my strategy of beginning at the end, and the next few posts will provide more detail on the various goals I’m working towards.  If you’re evaluating your life in a similar manner, maybe some of this will strike a chord… and if you’ve got things figured out, please feel free to chime in with advice!  Without further ado:

My first goal is to be rich.

Not rich in the sense of Warren Buffett/Donald Trump– although that would be nice– but rich in the context of my own life.  Frankly I consider it “being comfortable” rather than “being rich,”  but I also realize that I am already incredibly wealthy in comparison to individuals in developing nations, and I might as well recognize that the ideals I strive for encompass far more than the basic necessities.  Why is this the first goal I’ve chosen?  It’s not more important than health or happiness, but the metrics are much easier to track.  Also, all three are intertwined, and I have to start somewhere.

Lack of money can create stress, force uncomfortable decisions, and generally introduce quite a bit of uncertainty into life.  While more money does not necessarily make you happier beyond a certain point, having enough money for the basics may allow you to escape some stressors and generally lead a more fulfilling life.

Early on (say about 8th grade?), I realized that in order to feel secure, I needed to achieve a level of earning power that would not limit my options– to learn, to travel, to make a positive impact in my community.  That’s a vague goal, to be sure, but it’s one that works for me personally.  Money is only as good as what you spend it on, and although it’s backwards in a way, I’ll start with a focus on the spending part and follow up with dollar estimates in a later post.

Money and Family

Today, many families are forced to choose between an education for their children, or nursing care for aging parents. As early as high school, my female peers started talking about  marrying rich, instead of marrying for love.  Maybe I was more idealistic than most at that age, but hearing such sentiments just rubbed me the wrong way.   I’ve also witnessed firsthand the devastation of families when the primary wage-earner has a catastrophic accident, and can no longer work– in the worst cases, social services gets involved, children are placed in foster care, and both parents spiral into depression.  (I’m not referring to my own family, thank goodness, but to patients I’d cared for throughout my clinical years.)

I’m not afraid to admit that I’m scared of having to make such a decision.  I don’t believe that Social Security or Medicare will actually provide any benefit to my parents’ generation, let alone my own.  And you know what?  I may be overly cautious, but confronting that fear and taking steps to prevent it go a long way toward my psychological security.

I felt that I would be ready for a family only when I could provide for all of us on my salary alone.  Maybe this is more of a masculine perspective, but that begs the question, why should it be? The females of most species tend to be the nurturing, caring ones, seeing to the needs of family members.  Why, in a money-based economy, should that responsibility not extend to financial nurturing and caring?

Money and Love

For all my pragmatism, I’m also an unabashed romantic.  Even before I wanted to settle down in a serious relationship, I kept thinking, “What if my perfect man is an penniless artist/writer/musician?”  If push came to shove, and I had to make a choice between an amazing partner who couldn’t support himself, and someone ok who was more responsible, I’m not really sure I could find an effective compromise.  My financial goals were designed to avoid that crossroads, and luckily I found the perfect partner who is creative AND responsible.  He also happens to be financially savvy and either one of us could support a family on our salary alone.

Now that I’ve achieved a level of earnings that allow me to save significantly for retirement as well as healthcare costs, I feel a lot more comfortable.  Current goals include continuing to save towards retirement while increasing my nest egg for a down payment, and educational costs for our future children.

Money and Career

If I won the lottery tomorrow, I know exactly what I’d do with the money– I’d quit my current job but definitely wouldn’t stop working.  My work/life balance is quite enjoyable, and my personality is well-suited by having projects to keep my mind engaged.

While my job is currently a way for me to learn valuable transferable skills while furthering my financial goals, I want to get to a point where I can do good AND do well.  The golden handcuffs are ok for now, but by starting up my new social venture in parallel, I hope to transition sooner rather than later– ideally in the next several years.

Rich isn’t a number, it’s a state of mind.  I’m quite happy with my current situation, but as my environment changes, I must continue to adjust in order to maintain that level of contentment and security. Maybe you can’t buy happiness, but you can definitely earn it.

What does “rich” mean to you?

Image sources: 1, 2, 3

Posted in Career Chick, Carpe Diem, The RTW Tao, Trust fund, baby!, Venus & Mars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Beginning at the End

Posted by RenaissanceTrophyWife on April 26, 2009

For the past couple decades, I’ve had a 10-year+ career plan with definite endpoints:  get into medical school, graduate, finish residency +/- fellowship, make attending.

Ever since I abruptly truncated that plan a couple years ago post-graduation, my long-term focus has become, well, more unfocused.  I love the liberation from tests and schedules and deadlines, but it’s just my personality to feel more secure with a long-term goal.  Instead of being constrained by academic guidelines, I can now define my own timelines and take time to explore side paths along the way.  That’s not to say my goals won’t change, but at least I’ve got something to work towards.  Why start there?  An end is more easily influenced than a beginning.  Don’t know about you, but I haven’t figured out a way to turn back time.

What do I want?  For me,  a large component of happiness includes  autonomy.  I don’t like feeling hemmed in, and even mistakes are more palatable if they’re my own rather than a result of a forced choice.  Almost every decision I make is based upon the freedom it gives me to make smart investments at a future date.

More specifically, I want to be able to make valuable contributions to my community, and also enjoy the security of knowing that my family is provided for.  A lot of my perspective is colored by my experiences in healthcare– I’ve seen adults have to choose between supporting their aging parents or provide better opportunities for their children, and that’s a choice I don’t want to make.

My vision includes a great partner to enjoy life with, a house to raise our future children in, quality time spent with family and friends, and a challenging career that is both interesting and doesn’t exclude any of the previous things.  In essence, what I’m working toward is a feeling, not a set of material milestones.  While assets are undoubtably helpful in achieving security, money is only a means to an end.

Taking stock of my current position, I’m in good shape, considering I thought it would take me several more years to get here… but that’s all the more reason to continue working on the other elements.  Hence, my consideration of a career change (although not as drastic a shift as the previous one) even in this turbulent environment.   Sometimes the unexpected moves turn into the best opportunities.

So, plan your goals first, then figure out an exit strategy to get you there.  If you’re not certain of the endpoint, it helps to take a path that leaves the most number of attractive options open.  And even if you are certain, be flexible and remember to evaluate opportunities that come up along the way. Detours can lead to some pretty incredible sights you might’ve missed.

Related posts:

(Re)Invention Roadmap

Image from serafini on flickr

Posted in Career Chick, The RTW Tao, Venus & Mars | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Aspiring Trophy Wife searching for Sugar Daddy

Posted by RenaissanceTrophyWife on February 17, 2009

This Craigslist ad (and response) made the rounds on the internet a couple years ago, but just resurfaced in my email inbox, likely due to V-day.

Hope this gives you a few laughs!

Image courtesy of askmen.com

Image courtesy of askmen.com

The text of the original ad:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

The RTW solution, in three words?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Career Chick, Trust fund, baby!, Venus & Mars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

In the Name of Love

Posted by RenaissanceTrophyWife on February 13, 2009

Whatever happened to family values?  I thought values included respect, tolerance, fidelity, and love.  Apparently some people think that divorce is preferable.

Ken Starr, who led the campaign to impeach President Bill Clinton, filed a legal brief last month — on behalf of the “Yes on 8″ campaign — that would forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year before the passage of Prop 8.

In the name of love, please speak out. Sign the Courage Campaign’s letter to the Supreme Court, requesting that they reject Ken Starr’s case.

And watch this video– with tissues on hand.

“Fidelity”: Don’t Divorce… from Courage Campaign.

By the way, if you’re still looking for a cool Valentine’s Day gift, the 1138 Collection offers gorgeous, unique pieces like the necklace below– and 10% of proceeds go to organizations that advocate for marriage equality.

Posted in Venus & Mars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »